000531.1830
at first the void.
then sharp thrusting sparking light,
and all that is will be.
flowing from the heart, jerusalem,
this golden honey feeds the world,
and everything marches,
toward the mountain-spring,
in the desert of sinai.
where past and future meet,
bright milky light flows forth.
where future and past meet,
in the desert of sinai,
from the mountain-spring,
everything marches,
this milky light feeds the world,
flowing to the heart, jerusalem.
and all that is has been.
the silent fleeting restful dark,
at last, the void.
000605.2315
Sometime within the infinity of no-time prior to existence, something happened. This happening is even further beyond our ken than God's nature (see 000). This something is beyond not only our understanding, but beyond the phraseology of logic or reason. It is regarding this very thing that Chazal tell us we cannot inquire. This is immediately before the first word, the first letter, before even the first touching of pen to paper of the written Torah. It is the act that makes creation possible. It is the moment HaShem changed his nature. Some people term it "Will." I believe that Will is something created far later in the chain of events that we look back on as creation. I will not term it because it was this event which threw my mind and soul into confusion for weeks. It was only upon realising the failure of all reason and the recognition that the Rabbis were aware of such failure that my fractured being was able to rediscover comfort and balance. One can look at this in the following illustration: Cosmologists and Quantum Physicists can discuss any fraction of time after the big bang, no matter how small a sliver it is, yet they do not and cannot describe the instant of it's occurrence. About the instant before, it is unclear. Lucid is the knowledge that this instantaneous something cannot be addressed. This is not to say the moment of which I speak coincides with the moment of the big bang, it could, however I do not feel that it must.*(see note @ bottom) Whether it is meaningful to ask about simultaneity at all is a separate question when time and space have not yet been created. (Once time and space are created, Einstein still greatly deters attempts to discuss simultaneity, which we may get to by 009)
Before I begin a tale that will undoubtedly seem like a sequence of events (in my future letters), I must express one more perception as well. HaShem, the very name to which this refers echoes this idea endlessly (HaShem means "the name" refferring to the tetragramaton YHVH), is beyond time or space, beyond all things created. If you believe you percieve him, it should be obvious upon reflection that you are percieving only a creation of his. In fact, it is my (as yet un-thought-out) belief that you are seeing the heart of yourself wherein his likeness resides. This complete external nature of HaShem does not preclude his interaction but does suggest an interesting dual nature(see 000) which I will address prior to addressing duality and paradox directly (see (tentative) 002) . From the aforementioned instant in which God makes it possible for the whole universe to come to be, no time passes while the universe is conceived and returned to it's unity with God at the end of days. In the momentous flash of pre-creation potential, the entire universe comes into being, fulfills it's purpose, and is extinguished. This happens in a similar fashion to an infinitesimally short thought that one has when figuring out a particularly trivial puzzle or idea. From the perspective of the universe, billions of years have passed by, yet it all happened in no time at all. The Rabbis tell us that all miracles that take place throughout all the days of the world take place via the normal ways of nature. This is not really so surprising or insightful in the simplest understanding, when one takes into account that God has perfect foresight and does not percieve time sequentially (the two may not be mutually exclusive) it becomes obvious that it should be no difficulty at all for God to construct a world in which all necessary miracles would be possible. He knew what would be required down the road, even before creation. When the Midrash discusses God looking into the Torah and from it creating the world, the midrash says simply that the chicken came before the egg. In the instant that HaShem created Torah, translated closesly as "Instruction", a student, or reciever of this instruction, was brought into being as well. We know that Torah is truth, and the Torah could not be true, unless the moment it stated that God created the world, there actually was a created world. Since there is no time yet of which to speak, it must be that the act of creating Torah and World was a single act. When the midrash says that the Torah was created first, what they have actually stated is that the purpose of the creation was Torah and not vice versa. Not that it happened first, which is meaningless prior to the creation of time.**(see note @ bottom)
Now I will expound on what I have learned around this past Shavuoth(5760). Regarding the creation of the world, time aside, I have strongly believed for a few years that past and future interact. Quantum mechanics may suggest something similar, but I know of a place in which they, past and future, do in fact interact. Someone mentioned to me some time ago, and to this day I wish I had the source, that the stones of Har Sinai all bear the image of the burning bush. Were you to split one of these rocks in two, each rock would have the complete image of the burning bush on it. What could the midrash (I believe this is mentioned in midrash..forgive me if I am wrong) have meant by such an unusual phenomenon? Until science invented the hologram there was no such construct known to man as an image which could be shattered into many complete images. In the case of the hologram, just such a situation occurs, no matter how small a sliver of the holographic film you cut, it has a complete two-dimensional un-damaged image. In order to relate this back to Har Sinai, we must first understand the process of creating a hologram, at least on the simplest level. A Hologram is a very special way of simultaneously taking many many pictures from numerous perspectives of a single object and committing them all to a single piece of film. To accomplish this task, holographers need to bounce two laser beams off of the object meant to be holographed, and allow those two lasers to interact (or in more accurate terminology: interfere). Looking at Har Sinai, in order to turn the mountain into a huge sheet/chunk/mass of three dimensional holographic film, we need at least two lasers. We know that the mountain was bathed in fire and light and sound and cloud, we can see these as the result of those lasers carving those images into the film. But where were the lasers? It is my understanding that the past and future are the two beams which record the image into the mountain.***(see note @ bottom) We have established above that the Torah was the primary reason for the creation of the world, now I suggest that the world actually first came into being at Har Sinai, at the giving over of the Torah. This can be glimpsed in the beginning and the end of Torah, the last letter, lamed, and the first letter, beth, spell the word 'lev' meaning heart. The heart of the world is the interaction of the future and past, the end and the beginning.
This falls several levels deeper. God took of his essence, and split it, through a process yet unaddressed (see later expressions, either 002 or 003 as 'duality or paradox realisation), into two counter-points: Torah and Olam; Olam being World, or Universe. HaShem's nature can be seen as akin to air, in that it is everpresent and necesary for life, yet invisible. HaShem split this nature into Water (bereshith 1: days 2 & 3, the world is described first as water.) and Fire (The torah is described by Chazal as existing of black fire on white fire prior to creation--and even afterwards). HaShem also simultaneously re-integrates these two natures into what is called Man. These two natures, these two creations, water and fire, Torah and Olam, are given to man as a communication from God, an act of True Kindness. Chazal explain that HaShem created the world in order to bestow True Kindness upon it. The World and the Torah are two halfs of this communication, this message, we are meant to make use of both halfs in responding. This response is crucial on our part, this is what prayer and service (Tefillah and Avodah) encompass. How does one respond to true kindness, true kindness by it's nature requires no response(Chesed shel Emeth is when someone acts with no expectation of gratitude, Chazal teach us.)? The key is in Pirkei Avoth (loosely: The Wisdom of Our Fathers) "The world(olam) stands on three things/words: 1) On Torah 2) On Avodah-service 3) On Gemilut Hasadim (loosely: acts of kindness)." It is my understanding that the three are as much one as they are three. The point upon which to focus is the third, Gemilut Hasadim. This is usually translated, as I said, as acts of kindness, but when one understands the etymology of the word Gemilut, we see that it is more. The word Gamel, which means Camel, is closely related to the aspect of nursing a child, L'higamel, mentioned regarding Moshe's childhood means to wean. With further contemplation I understand Gemilut Hasadim in this manner: To elicit and increase kindness. When one treats another kindly, the favor is often returned. When one treats another with kindness without any thought of the reward (ie. True Kindness), there is more chance that kindness, perhaps even greater, will be returned. Gemilut Hasadim is as much a mandate of kindness as it is a mandate to repay kindness with kindness, and finally to allow kindness to be performed. So, how do we respond to HaShem who gives us existence, the greatest kindness of all? We respond in kindness and deference, take of his kindness and offer it up to him in thanks, but there is more. A pregnant mother wants to nurse her child, she produces milk for this purpose alone, yet if the child is unwilling to nurse, not only can she not perform this kindness of providing life to her child, but it actually pains her. In the same way, Man can choose to open up the channels of kindness that HaShem waits eagerly to open. When one opens one's heart to HaShem, when one opens one's mind and soul, one makes it possible for HaShem to bestow his kindness. When one denies God's existence, or acts beligerently, it can be said that in a certain sense it pains God, as it does a lactating mother.****(see note @ bottom)
So, we see that in his infinite kindness, HaShem created the Torah and World and bestowed them upon man in an act of kindness. This happens at Har Sinai, the point (in more ways than one) of creation. I believe that this initial creation then retroactively creates both the future and the past, and the interweaving of said paths. Since there is no actual sequence until time was created, the Torah begins with the creation of Time. Once Time exists, then the Torah explains all the causal relationships in creation, eg. In order that Man has energy to act, there must be air and food, both of which require trees which first required land and water and light which first require laws of nature etc. The Torah is entirely True in that in relation to time, things happened just as the Torah states. Prior to time it was meaningless to say that anything came first. Yet I say that Har Sinai came first because it is the raison d'etre. It was for Har Sinai, the act of True Kindess, that all things came into being. It was so that Har Sinai could be, that the things happened and will happen, in the order they did.
However, Just because Har Sinai already happened historically does not mean that existence now is without a point. Remember Har Sinai is the point at which past and future are inter-twined. There are actions we must yet undertake, experiences we must yet undergo in order that Har Sinai come into being. I once questioned what it was that my Neshamah, my soul, saw at Har Sinai, since Chazal say that every soul was there to bear witness. I don't remember what I witnessed at Har Sinai which leaves me with two possible answers: 1) That Har Sinai has not happened yet--at least for me. 2) That the life I am living now, and your life as well, is the prophecy which I or you are witnessing at Har Sinai presently. I had actually never considered option number one until I wrote it just a few moments ago, it had always seemed clear to me that option number 2 is the truth. However, because of the nature of all things, it is possible to say they are both simultaneously true, I believe that both Quantum Physicists and the Maharal would agree with me here, wherever else they may disargree. I want to examine number 2 for another moment, It is not as far-fetched as it sounds, we know from Yehezkel and Moshe and many other prophets that one can interact with a Nevuah (a prophetic experience), we also know that while a Nevuah may last for days or months, it is under no obligation to coincide with normal time, if normal time can even be said to exist(?). [I'm sure these last two points will be forever termed in any context as the 'matrix-rationale', "how can you prove that the reality you believe to be real is in fact so?".]
Finally, as we see that there can be said to be four major things that exist, perhaps less, perhaps more(in no particular order other than God being first): 1) HaShem 2) Man 3) Torah 4) World. We can imagine how Torah and World were split apart and re-weaved to create Man. We can also understand the mishna in Pirkei Avoth now: Existence stands on three things: 1) recieving the torah, 2) experiencing the world in a God-pleasing way, 3) ultimately, expressing the previous two, acknowledging God's existence by interacting with Him and all of creation in a selfless and pleasing manner.
Having expressed in 000 the fundamental relationship of Man to God, and explained it further here in 001, and having explained the fundamental relationship of World and Torah here in 001, I will endeavour to discuss the relationship of Man to World in the coming expression 002.
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notes:
*it should be noted that I've recently come across an article @ newscientist.com (thanks to Doni for pointing me, inadvertantly, in that direction) that offers a new explanation based on string theory that offers information about the universe prior to the big bang. This in no way finds fault in what I have said, all it has done is given some strength to my hesitation to tie what I would term the 'initial event' to the moment of the big bang. All that this new theory has a accomplished is a pushing back of the 'initial event' which will continue to be pushed back as scientists grope further and further towards infinity seeking the edges of the universe. This topic I will most likely cover in ~ Words 009. I have even assumed that this new string theory explanation of the big bang is accurate enough and found no problem with an understanding of the first 3 pesukim of Bereishith supporting such ideas.
**Chazal actually do introduce a concept of a sequential hyper-time which predates the creation of actual time.. R' Kaplan discusses this in Sefer Yetzirah, but he only touches on the topic and so I have limited information regarding this. I don't know how relevant it is to my understandings or expressions of the world at this point, and I believe it can be explained away like so: The hyper-time refers to the intents and purposes of HaShem rather than any real concept of chronology--the most important and directly relevant are viewed as coming first, and the ancillary are viewed as happening/created/concieved later.
***In fact, if you were to take a video tape of a tree being burned down, and watch it played backwards and forwards simultaneously, would it not look like a tree that burns and is not consumed? I'm not necesarily implying that this is what happened, only that it is possible to explain through the interplay (or interference.. or even ovelap) of past and future. Once one takes this step it is a short walk to simply say that the tree is simultaneously burning and not being consumed.. just as is literally the case in Torah. (So there is no need to actually try and explain how it was burning yet not consumed.. instead we can try and learn what the world is really about if such an occurrence however contrary is possible.) note that this is similar to the plague of Hail-Barad in which we are told that Fire and Ice were hurled down as one and that they partenered to destroy the egyptians.
****It is obvious that this example carries further throughout the life of both parents: when a child strays it pains them, but there is not always something they can do, to curtail his immediate or eventual suffering. This example is equally relevant to HaShem, but it is less poignant and more often used.
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